Dazed and Confused

Last night was horrible.

I don't know what it was that kept me up all night. Maybe I was just excited about where all this blogging was going and my mind was just ready to learn more. However, I wish it didn't cut into my sleeping hours. I feel like I worked pretty hard yesterday.


Lord, Please grant me some sleep.

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Riko,

So while honestly is still on my plate right now there are a few things I think I must confess.

.I am not exactly happy right now and I know that is reflecting on our relationship. I see that I am short with you and I feel that I am loosing patience as the days go on.
.I need a change. I don't think its anything that you can do for me, its something I have to do for myself
.I've been cooped up for too long. I know its been hard for you since right now we have one car, your car and I've just been lazy. Next week I think I need to get my car back just so if I wanted to I can actually go out. I just need to interact with people I think. I focus all my attention on you and that puts a lot of pressure on you... I'm sorry I didn't really notice that I was doing that until now.
.I have anger. I don't know exactly where it is coming from but I feel it.
.I want to be with God again. I feel so lost right now yet when I think of him I know he has a plan for me. He gives me hope and I have neglected him for so long. We don't have to go to church because we can worship him at home. There are many seminars online that we can watch on Sundays Mornings. I think it would be a good thing for the both of us.
..Last, I'm sorry.
For the past couple of days I don't think that I have been myself. I am still trying to cope with a lot of different things and I am in the process of trying to make a change. I can imagine how uncomfortable this transition might be for you. I'm sorry my love. Something tells me that if I don't take care of all this now then I might lose what we have and I never want to do that. You are my forever and I want to work all things out for you.
We both have been going through some personal issues and we both need to take care of those issues. I don't want to look back and say that we could have done something different. I can't imagine ever being without you and I don't ever want too. Please bare with me through this and I will do the same for you. Through thick and thin.

Your Fancy.