Dazed and Confused

Last night was horrible.

I don't know what it was that kept me up all night. Maybe I was just excited about where all this blogging was going and my mind was just ready to learn more. However, I wish it didn't cut into my sleeping hours. I feel like I worked pretty hard yesterday.


Lord, Please grant me some sleep.

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Riko,

So while honestly is still on my plate right now there are a few things I think I must confess.

.I am not exactly happy right now and I know that is reflecting on our relationship. I see that I am short with you and I feel that I am loosing patience as the days go on.
.I need a change. I don't think its anything that you can do for me, its something I have to do for myself
.I've been cooped up for too long. I know its been hard for you since right now we have one car, your car and I've just been lazy. Next week I think I need to get my car back just so if I wanted to I can actually go out. I just need to interact with people I think. I focus all my attention on you and that puts a lot of pressure on you... I'm sorry I didn't really notice that I was doing that until now.
.I have anger. I don't know exactly where it is coming from but I feel it.
.I want to be with God again. I feel so lost right now yet when I think of him I know he has a plan for me. He gives me hope and I have neglected him for so long. We don't have to go to church because we can worship him at home. There are many seminars online that we can watch on Sundays Mornings. I think it would be a good thing for the both of us.
..Last, I'm sorry.
For the past couple of days I don't think that I have been myself. I am still trying to cope with a lot of different things and I am in the process of trying to make a change. I can imagine how uncomfortable this transition might be for you. I'm sorry my love. Something tells me that if I don't take care of all this now then I might lose what we have and I never want to do that. You are my forever and I want to work all things out for you.
We both have been going through some personal issues and we both need to take care of those issues. I don't want to look back and say that we could have done something different. I can't imagine ever being without you and I don't ever want too. Please bare with me through this and I will do the same for you. Through thick and thin.

Your Fancy.

Job searching blows...

My girlfriend and I woke up around 4:00am this morning (we have weird tendencies to wake up with each other in odd hours of the night). We put ourselves together and headed out for an extra early outing at the International House of Pancakes or IHOP. For some reason the whole time I thought there was something on her mind but I just couldn't pin point what the problem was.
After a cigarette and good conversation; the real discussion started.

I guess one of the scariest things about being in a relationship is that you want to make your other half happy but sometimes you feel limited in your ability to do so and discussing the situation will only make it Real. But you know you have to.
... and well after being with someone for 3 lifetimes, you just know. She has a hard time saying things especially when she thinks she will disappoint me. But eventually she spilled the beans.

You see right now we are trying to move to Las Vegas, NV. I plan on attending cosmetology school out there because of the vast opportunities and training I am sure I will receive. However, before we can plan any Vegas trips we have to sit on some capitol (that we don't exactly have right now). So we decided that I should get a job ASAP so our savings can well... start saving. lol.
Unfortunately its is so difficult to get a job right now and I have read all the advertisements for jobs I can for today. I will start again tomorrow but Lord, Help me. I know that the economy is bad right now and the jobs out there are quite scarce but I STILL HAVE HOPE!

So anyone with any advice on getting jobs or recommendations please feel free to let me know! Thank you!

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For me, This someone is Riko

I want to introduce someone to you that will frequently apart of this blog.

Have you ever met someone and instantly clicked with them? Someone you just met and they can finish your thoughts as if you've known them for years? Someone whom looked so familiar to you but you just can not pinpoint when or where you've seen them? Someone you just know but you don't remember how?

For me, this someone is Riko.

A fortune teller once told Riko that there is someone that Riko has been with for three entire lifetimes. Riko has always been in love with this person but there has always been something that has stopped them from being together. In the most recent lifetime Riko's lover promised Riko on her death bed that in their next lifetime Riko's Lover will find Riko and they will truly be together.

I know it all sounds too freaky but trust me, if you run into as many supernatural incidences as we have you might have a better understanding. At first things were just weird and funny, then they started to become too frequent to be a coincidence and now we just laugh and say well what else did you expect. I can finish her thoughts, I can almost perdict what she is about to say next, and there are even occasions where Riko just calls my name and I already know what she is about to ask me.

One of the most interesting things we have ran into is having what can only be described as "flashbacks." Sometimes sitting in the car or just laying down in bed we would have this images playing in our heads of older times. Some in the dynasty days. Whenever we have them we would tell each other and typically the other person can finish the thought. These are my favorites. Its almost like a blast from the past.

I know this could all just be make believe or something we conjured up in our heads but what the fortune teller said was true and our "flashbacks" are real.

It just all makes great sense to us.

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Bucket List

Now there are many uncertainties in life. However, we can still dream.


Now I am what I like to believe to be a True Aquarius woman.

and one thing true about being a True Aquarius woman is that you are a Dreamer.


".. I dream the dream of what life could be
if all the possibilities were up to you and me..."


Now the concept of a bucket list is to do things before you "kick the bucket." I realize I am only 22 but someone once told me, "live like no tomorrow."


Here are a few rules about my list:
1. It is not in any particular order
2. Just because it might be the most anticipated does not mean I will try to accomplish it first
3. No time set. I will get it done when the time is right.



Bucket List

.Marry you (My life. My love. My all)
.Clothing line
.Boutique
.Change someones life
.Adopt a child
.Go to Japan
.Open a non-profit organization. World Movement
.Be apart of the Movement
.Photographer
.Master Adobe Photoshop
.Travel the world


Okay, well its not that long but hey each one might take while before I an truly accomplish it and I think through out the years the list might get longer as I am introduced to things. So, I am sure the list will continue to be updated.



I change from day to day to what I want to be and what I want to create. I don't know if my attention span is too short or I just love everything equally that once a dot is connected I can't help but to move on. Not to say I don't get things done, I just have Obessions :)